my heart, that is.

it's been a long time since i felt this whole-- like i was meant to fall asleep in the passenger seat of Terence's Elantra all along, Joan in the backseat, Terence at the steering wheel. we rescued Wen Liang from college, and we bantered all the way to Kota Kemuning. the only missing piece was Huai today. we miss you!!! it's not the same without you. can't wait till we're all back together again.

we piled into the Elantra after picking me up in the morning, headed to OneUtama for some glorious food, a movie, and to cure Terence's itch to para. watching the boy make a beeline for the solitary para machine in the dark arcade once he'd exchanged his dollar note for a token was amusing -- i wonder if i'd miss things back home as much as he would when i go. Joan and i stood back and watched him flail about with some rather graceful spins added into the mix. i think i have a video of him dancing somewhere-- i'll dig it out and try to post it without being noticed.

--

i woke with a smile this morning.

DO I HAVE TO SAY ANY MORE FLAJSDFLJLASDKJFLALSJKDFLKSDJFLKDF

ETA:



*flatlines*

ten days ago, i was miserable. fast forward ten days later, and i'm still a wet dishrag, but for entirely different reasons-- similar, yes, but different. at the risk of sounding like a bad romance novela, how many ways can your heart be toyed with and tortured? i've been through a lot, and i've got more to learn, but it was more than i could handle.

i haven't been blogging lately, and i apologize-- i have been forgetting about things that used to make me feel whole, but as of late even the littlest things like writing make me feel guarded. one word, and it could rub a person the wrong way, if you know what i mean, and i don't want to take risks. sometimes silence trumps words.

i wish for this to end. and then maybe, just maybe, i'll feel a little better.

the exhaustion today was overwhelming. i summed up enough energy to make it through three hours of college, and finally wiped out on my desk: the grand finale.

i'll find time to blog soon about what's going on in my life lately. it's all a large jumble, sometimes hard to interpret and understand, even by me. but hey, life's like that, don't they all say?

indefinite.

we are all teetering on thin planks between sky-high buildings, praying that what's been supporting us up won't snap under the weight.

but what if it does? ever wonder if you'd grow wings if you fell by chance? or would you fall splat on the asphalt down below, a bloody pile of skin and bones?

but i'm trying not to think right now. all i want to do is get over to the other side, and get the fear done and over with.

i'll take a deep breath and jump in.

this is a friend -- he sent me this unexpectedly after i told him i was swamped with work i didn't want to complete.

made my day. :)

AM

SO BLEEPIN' EXHAUSTED

and i don't even know why.

*melts into puddle on tabletop*

for this, i have nothing else but love.

i can't wait for the album!

PS: Adam Lambert = MY American Idol, regardless of who wins next week. And Kris, Kris... oh Kris, you blew me away with that second song of yours. I thought the Fray's version was haunting and beautiful and that nothing could beat it, but oh, you threw that thought out of the window and made me worship. For that, you deserve a spot in the finals. Support Kradam, everybody!!!

PPS: some food for thought;

"So today was my first day of my 3 day fast. It wasnt quite as hard as I thought it would be. I didn't really tell my mom and dad until about six in the evening. by "chance" one of my best friends came over after school to hang out and he ended up eating my dinner. ("chance" = miracle from God)

I have started to see what life is like for the starving in Darfur. I cannot wait until Friday when I go back to eating anything and everything. Friday is the goal. but in Darfur, there is no goal. There is no friday when you can eat again. They do not have an end goal like I have. How can they carry on? What is their source of hope? Something too glorious for me to comprehend is at work in the world.

But how amazing it is, that I have not eaten in nearly 24 hours, yet have carried out my daily activities as normal. I have a strength to face my hunger, my "hurricane" with a simple "hello." hunger is not enough to silence me. dead fury is not enough. While I may be empty physically, I am full spiritually. and this will carry me through the next two days of fasting."

i still have three papers to complete but i'm still so relaxed and happy go lucky
probably knowing that there's going to be booze tonight :p

i'm not going to be posting my project 365 pictures today though i *have* been taking photos... just lazy to resize them in Photoshop because my computer lags the fuck out of me when i do
i'll do it soon! *sheepish smile

woke up this afternoon morning and found out that the goddess aka. Carly Smithson is on Twitter!!!!
"vote for Adam people!" she says, and what she says, she will get, because who dares to defy the musical goddess that is Carly Smithson?

so tonight, as i mentioned earlier, i'm going to head to Decanter to celebrate Joan's birthday with the cousins & some people
it just hit me that she's going to be nineteen
and it seems like it was just yesterday that we were still tiny, skinny (her), overweight (me) sixteen year olds
how time flies :(



happy early birthday boney
thanks for all the memories & many more to come xoxo